Up at 5 AM

Up at 5 AM? Why yes, yes I was. I wish I could say it was because that's just the type of person I am...the type that is early to retire and early to rise. But that is so not me. In fact, it is rare for me to ever be up at 5 in the AM, but if I am, it is more likely than not due to the fact that I have yet to go to bed, as opposed to because I woke up at the butt crack of dawn. Now you're probably thinking I'm some crazy party animal out making all kinds of trouble till 5 in the morning, but nope, my life is not even that exciting. If I am staying awake that early it's most often because I'm caught up in some book I just started reading during the day and now must stay up all night reading because I just have to find out what happens. I have had many sleepless nights, and many "baggy-dark-circles-under-the-eye" kind of days due to a good book. But I've gotten way off subject and started rambling. Back to the reason I was up at five this morning...it was because of my foot. Maybe you already know this about me, maybe you don't, but I have complex regional pain syndrome. You probably have no idea what that is, don't worry, no one does. And I don't feel like explaining it right now, but google it if you're interested. Also, side note to any physical therapists or doctors out there that might just happen to stumble across this--there's a lot of money to be made in this area I'm sure, as researchers are still trying to figure out exactly what causes CPRS, what treatments work best, and how to cure it. (There is currently no cure, it can only be managed.) Find a cure and you will become super wealthy, I will see to it personally! Anyways, the point of the story is this: I had yet another sleepless night due to the burning and aching pain in my foot, and I am so sick of it! My little white pills (a.k.a vicaden) did absolutely nothing to help. My mom rubbed my foot some and it helped, but she can never do it hard enough for very long. She, and Kelsey, are convinced I'm a masochist. And maybe I am. Because the pain level is excruciating when my foot is finally being rubbed the way I want it to be. But I'm telling you, even though it's almost unbearable, it feels way better than the dull, burning ache deep within my foot that never goes away--that is until someone else is rubbing my foot to the point that the pain level is ten times greater. Okay, so I really am sounding like a complete masochist. But in my defense after one of these extremely deep, extremely painful foot rubs my foot begins feeling much better. The pain is so deep inside that the only way to reach it, and get rid of it, is to squeeze and push on it as hard as possible and make it hurt! To desensitize my foot. And on the plus side the deeper the rub, the more all the scar tissue gets broken up. So even though the pain is unbearable, in the long run it's totally worth it and going to help! Alright, excuse my venting, I think I'm good for now. Chronic pain kinda wears on a person every once in awhile, but oh well, that is life, and we all have our own struggles and trials right? I know firsthand than ongoing hardships, illnesses, pains, etc., can be extremely difficult to bear and bring a person down. But I try to remember that I do not have to let anything control me. I can control my own attitude, I do not have to let CPRS control me. Sometimes this is difficult--when the pain becomes too much, when I have lost sleep, or sleep too much to help with the pain, when I have to miss out on activities I once enjoyed, and when I feel like a burden to those that massage my foot for me. But what it really comes down to is that I can sit around and mope because my foot always hurts, and I can let CPRS rule me, or I can decide to be happy and enjoy life anyways. I try to count my blessings if I really start feeling down. I have made up my mind to be a happy person, no matter what situations I am facing in life.

Elder Robert D. Hales gave a beautiful talk about pain entitled "Healing Soul and Body" The following passage is from the talk.

In this mortal life, each of us is going to experience pain in one form or another. Pain may come from an accident or from a painful medical condition. We may feel deep pain from the mourning that appropriately comes with the loss of a loved one or the loss of affection from one we hold dear. Pain may come from feeling lonely or depressed. It often comes as a result of our disobedience to the commandments of God, but it also comes to those who are doing all they can to keep their lives in line with the example of the Savior.

The scriptures teach that “there is … opposition in all things” (2 Ne. 2:11). Just as times of joy and happiness come to each of us, so also comes pain to every mortal. How can we understand those moments in our life when we experience physical or emotional pain?

Elder Orson F. Whitney wrote: “No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God, … and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire”

Read the full talk here!

So anyways, today was one of those discouraging days that I felt was totally wasted because of my foot. I ended up sleeping in until two pm because I was up until 5, and if I don't get enough sleep the pain in my foot is totally aggravated. So my whole day was pretty much wasted, but my foot is feeling much better and I am ready to take on the day tomorrow! Watch out world, here I come!

Here are a few books about complex regional pain syndrome I found on amazon, they look pretty good if anyone is interested in learning more or if you are struggling with learning to cope with it yourself! (Or if you've decided you want to be that person that discovers what's actually going on in the brain and how to cure it!)