Another Nicole Moment and Kids Say the Darndest Things!

Today will be a day I will always remember. 

Today is the day I learned the correct way to use a staple remover.

I never knew I was using it wrong, but up until today they never really seemed all that useful or handy to me.

Because I was not using the staple remover as it was intended to be used.

At 23 years of age, this is probably a skill I should have acquired by now.

In fact, I had a serious inner debate about the pros and cons of even admitting this to all of you.

My blog readers.

If there are any of you at all.

Ok I know I can at least count on Kelsey and Amy to read this.

And I know that you will get a laugh out of this "Nicole Moment"

So if it will bring a "roll your eyes, oh my gosh Nicole, and a chuckle"

then it would be selfish of me to keep this story to myself.

And if by chance I do have any other readers out there in the cyberspace world,

and you too have been using the staple remover incorrectly,

and wasting precious time,

then I owe it to YOU
to share the correct way to remove a staple using the staple remover.

To use it the way it was intended to be used.

You're probably a tad bit curious now as to how on earth
I have been removing staples with this handy, simple, little device.
I mean, it's not exactly some complex machine.

Any child should be able to figure it out?

Right?

Well, leave it to me to take a simple object and be competely dumbfounded by it,

and then invent a completely ridiculous way to use it
because I'm too embarassed to ask it should be used.

Ok, so here it is.

My little confession.

I have always used the staple remover in this fashion:

1. Turn paper over so that back side of staple is exposed.

2. Use pointy prongs on staple remover to lift up each side of enclosed staple.

3. Set staple remover down.

4. Pull out staple with fingers.

As I type this out I'm having second thoughts about sharing this.

With anyone.

But it's too late now.

The imagery in my head of me prying up the staples edges with the staple remover,

and then setting down the staple remover to pry out the staple with my little fingers,

is TOO funny.

I'm laughing at myself.

So now at this point you're probably wondering how I came to finally learn the correct usage.

I'm filling in as a receptionist today for a person and a business.

I won't name any names.

I was asked by someone in the office to go through quite a few files and unstaple about a million papers that were stapled together at the top,

and then restaple them in the middle left.

I was flabbergasted.
"This is going to take all day" is what I thought.
Mostly because it takes me about a minute to take out a staple, give or take a few seconds.

So I took out some files and began my slow and painful process of staple removing.

Fortunately for me, I came across some papers that I was not quite sure what to do with.

(Little did I know this would set the course that would change my life.

For forever.)

So I took them to said person who assigned me this horrible task

and asked what I should do with the papers.

Then, to my amazement, as she explained what she wanted,

I watched in wonder as she took the staple remover,

placed both prongs around the front side of the staple,

closed down on it,

and grabbed it out in one quick, effortless, two second motion.

I was stunned.

It was so simple.

It is just like me to take something so quick and easy

and make it as complicated and time consuming as possible.

I recovered quickly and returned my eyes to normal size

(I'm pretty sure they looked like huge cartoon bug eyes for a moment)

I then nonchalantly nodded, took the papers, and headed back to my little work area.

With a new piece of information that would make my job so much less daunting.

And so much faster.

And staple finger pricks would be reduced from a gazillion to ZERO!

YES! WOOHOO!

This is up there with some of the most life changing, happiest moments of my life.

Seriously.

The End.

On another note,

remember how I said I'm a college graduate

living at home

and sharing a bedroom with 4 siblings?

Not anymore.

I moved out.

Of my old bedroom.

My sister Collette moved out, and I got to move in to her room.

I have upgraded from a twin bed to a full.

And I don't have to share a room with anyone.

However, while I now have my "own" room,

I am no where close to having my own bed.

I have had my new room for about two weeks now,

and have only spent a handful of those nights alone.

Sophia and Jacob, with their sweet little smiles and huge innocent eyes,

have perfected the art of coyly asking me to sleep with me in my bed.

It goes something like this:

One of them will run up to me, jump on my bed,

and give me a giant bear hug and a huge kiss.

They then turn those bright eyes to me and say in the sweetest voice they have:

"Can I sleep with you tonight pwweasse?"

And if it's Jacob he will add on, "I want to snuggle fuggle with you."

I hesitate.

I try to say no.

I want to say no.

But the sweet smile doesn't leave their face.

And they snuggle in closer.

 So I hear "Yessssss" come out of my mouth.

And then if it's Sophia she says: "Yes! And giggles and cackles.

And Jacob's smile gets triumphant and he says: "Thank You'm!"

The other night as I was squished in between the two of them,
with Jacob grasping onto my arm on one side,

and Sophia laying on my tummy,

I wondered what I had gotten myself into.

And then I tried to trick them into thinking they wanted to sleep in their own beds.

But they are much too smart for me.

I said:

"Don't you guys want to sleep in your own beds, they're so much better than mine.

You have Lightning McQueen and Princess Beds!

And you won't have to be so squished.

And you two can stay up all night talking but in Coco's bed you have to be quiet and go to sleep.

Wouldn't it be much more fun in your beds??!!"

Sophia then said:

"But I like to sleep with you and lay on your tummy"

Which she knows I'm a total sucker for.
Jacob says:

" I like to sleep with you. It's good to be with family in the bed."

These two.

They know exactly how to butter me up.

I cannot say no to them.

Yesterday I was playing outside with Sophia and Jacob,

enjoying the sun that finally decided to make an appearance,

and they were playing with worms and I was telling them how gross that was.

So of course then they brought them over to me and tried to get me to hold them,

and went on and on about how they loved worms.

Sophia then decided that they worms probably had a family,

and that she should return the worms to their family.

So she put the worms back in the dirt and said:

"Goodbye, I will miss you!" In her loud singsong voice.

And then Jacob said,

"I know, let's bite him to dinner."

I said "ewwww",

and he said "no let's BITE him to dinner."

It was then I realized he meant INVITE.

Nonetheless I'm sure the poor worm didn't realize bite was really invite,

and was happy to finally be put back down, with no bite taken out of him.

I shouldn't have made such a big deal about the worms though
because then they moved on to slugs.

I hate slugs.

I told them that.
I also told them I like to pour salt on slugs because it kills them.

Sophia then got mad at me and said "Nicole!" in a really scolding tone.

She then proceeded to find two slugs and hold them as she cooed to them sweet nothings.

I was finally thoroughly grossed out enough to tell her to put them down
because they are slimy and sticky and they eat mommy's flowers.

That convinced her.

She said fine.

I then told her I was going to pour salt on then because they eat mommy's flowers.

She was mad but said fine.

I got the salt and poured it on, telling her she probably shouldn't watch, but she insisted!

Once they were shrunken and dead she ran inside to wash her hands,

huffing and puffing because I had killed them.

In an attempt to make her feel better I finally said,

"It's ok they're in Heaven now with Heavenly Father and Jesus."

She liked that idea and stopped yelling at me.

As she was inside washing her hands Jacob told me:

"Let's just look for regetty bugs you like."

Translation:

"Let's just look for regular bugs you like."

I told him find a ladybug, caterpillar, or a potato bug.

Those are the only bugs I like.

As I watched him poking around in the dirt he took the huge can of iodized salt

and started pouring it all over.

I quickly told him to stop pouring it all over.

His reply was:

"I got a tiny beetle so he can go to heaven."

Whoops.

Guess you need to be careful what you say around kids.

He then proceeded to pour salt on every bug he saw so they could die and go to heaven.

Not exactly the lesson I was trying to teach,

but as long as he doesn't move on to larger animals I don't see the harm.

In my opionion he's doing the world a favor.
The world is much better off without bugs.

So each insect "sent to heaven" makes Nicole a happy camper.

Last little story.

While Jacob was going around sending bugs to heaven,

I picked up the two dead slugs in a leaf and threw them in the bushes.

Apparently Jacob then put two little sticks in their place in their piles of salt.

At this point Sophia came back outside after scrubbing slug slime off her hands,

proceeded directly to the dead slugs(which she didn't know I'd removed) and their piles of salt,

and then screamed:

"Ooohhh they turned into sticks!"

I couldn't help but laugh and I then explained to her that

I had thrown them in the bushes and Jacob had put sticks in their places.

Anyways, I think the point of all this is that I love Sophia and Jacob, that they are pretty much, hands down, the two most adorable kids in the universe,

they know how to turn up the charm to get their way,

and that kids say the darndest things.

Well, I best be getting back to all those papers waiting to be unstapled.
They won't unstaple themselves.
But as I now know, the staple remover is more than qualified for the job,
and will do the trick!
(But maybe they could include an instruction manual, just a thought.)