Hello Blogworld.
Miss me?
I don't even know what happened to me,
but I hit a blogging slump.
At first a couple weeks went by.
Then a couple months.
Next thing I know it's been 7 months since that sad day I wrote my last blog.
Never again my friends.
I plan to grace you with my presence from here on out.
And here's why:
Good things happen.
Bad things happen.
Funny things happen.
Cute boys happen.
Life happens.
And I write out a whole blog entry in my head,
about whatever happens.
But I never actually put it to computer and share it with you all
But I want to share it.
And I know you're all dying to hear what I have to say.
But I have to give it up to Kim Iverson....
you know...Your Time with Kim...Kim Iverson.
While I find her incredibly annoying,
and although she shares incredibly destructive belief and ideas
over the radio,
she has sparked my return to blogger.
A few months back she outraged me.
A few nights ago she impressed me.
But it reminded me how a few months ago she outraged me.
She illustrated everything that was wrong with society today
With marriage today.
With families today.
With so called "marriage therapists" today.
With people today.
I was listening to her show one late night.
I was intrigued because she announced she had
"one of California's top dating and marriage counselors"
on her show.
I forget the therapists name at this point.
Sorry, I have an incredibly horrible memory.
But that is not the point of this story.
And the therapists name is not significant.
What is significant is that she is even a therapist at all.
Let alone referred to as a top therapist.
Let me give you some details:
The topic for the show was how to know when to call it quits in a dating/marriage relationship...or how to know if you should be with someone. A woman called in with her story. She had been married for 6 or so years to her husband, and has two children with him. They have a wonderful marriage, her husband works full time at a great job, and it allows her to stay at home with her children, something that she cherishes and is so grateful for. It gets even better though. She is also very into photography, and so some nights when her husband gets home he will stay at home and watch the kids so that she can go shoot various events, such as weddings. He is a great husband, a great father, he provides for his family, she gets to be at home with her children. Sounds like a fairytale right? What's the catch? Well....let's rewind a few years. A year after they were married, before the couple had children, her husband cheated on her while out of town for business for several months. He confessed, she forgave him and they decided to stay together. Let me just put in my two cents here. At this point she has every right to end their marriage. He has had an affair with another woman, which in my eyes is unacceptable. But she chose to stay. Back to the story. He has never cheated on her since, or so he says, but she says she has no reason to be suspicious, as he is always at home with his family when not at work. Now, 5 years and two kids later, she wants to divorce her husband.Not because she doesn't trust him, not because he's cheating on her, not because they have a horrible abusive marriage. But because she hasn't loved him since he cheated on her, and doesn't know if she can ever love him again. I'm sorry honey, but the time to decided that was 5 years ago when he cheated on you, not now when there are children involved and you have a great marriage. You missed you chance to bail. I don't care if you're not in love, you made a commitment, and there are now children involved who need the stability of loving MARRIED parents. ParentS. As in both parents. Not one parent for two weeks and another every other weekend. A marriage is about commitment anyway, not about romance and "love". People can fall in and out of love multiple times within a marriage, but you stay together anyways, work through the bad times, because that is what true love is. And the happy, lovey dovey good times will come. Sometimes you may have to endure 5 bad years. But 20 wonderful years may follow. The point is that you made a commitment, and once children are involved, your "happiness" is no longer the priority. Your children's is. Anyways, I'll get off my soapbox. Obviously this woman asked the therapist what she should do. I waited for the "top" marriage therapist to give her an earful of what I just said above, but to my horror and shock, she basically told the woman that even though she has this great marriage that allows her to be a stay at home mom and raise her children and she has a great relationship with her husband and her husband is a terrific father, and that ending the relationship would be terrible because she would have to work and couldn't be at home with her kids and they would have to go to daycare, she said that she should end the marriage because she is not in love and DESERVES to find a man that she loves. Excuse me????!!!!! Deserves!?! DESERVES?!?! Excuse me, what about what her children DESERVE!?! They DESERVE to grow up in a home with TWO parents who love them. They DESERVE to have a mom who isn't so selfish that she would give up staying at home with them so that she could go out and find "love". They DESERVE an unbroken home. They DESERVE a happy childhood. With both parents. Because going through a divorce is hell for children and they should never have to endure that pain, that loss, and that heartache except in situations of abuse, drugs, or cheating.Who the heck does this "marriage therapist" think she is giving such selfish, immature, selfish, wrong, selfish, destructive, and did I mention, selfish, advice!?!? Then, thank goodness (or so I thought) Kim butted in and said everything I just said. That children need both parents, that a divorce should be avoided at all costs. That she may not be even be happy with another man considering all that she gave up. That it's so much better to be in a great relationship with, if nothing else, a good friend, so that her kids can grow up with their father in their home, and so that their mother could raise them. For a minute I loved Kim, and had some hope for marriages and families, and society. But then Kim said something as shocking and upsetting as the marriage counselors advice. She said BUT of course every woman deserves to be in love, and if you can't love your husband anymore, then you should go to him and tell him "honey, look I'm not in love with you anymore romantically, but we have a great marriage, a great life, two wonderful kids and so I want to stay together for them and we will be best friends, BUT (here's the kicker) I'm going to go out and DATE and find a boyfriend that I love and we will have an open relationship so that I can be happy. Like that won't complicate/upset/hurt/harm the children and family when mommy is out every weekend with the boyfriend? What, are husband, wife, boyfriend, and kids all going to have Sunday dinner together? What about when the boyfriend wants more commitment, what if he wants to marry her, what if she wants to marry him. What happens to her kids then. That is just sick sick sick!!!! !?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?! Are you freaking kidding me?!? These two woman should not be allowed to give advice to anyone EVER on marriage, let alone over the RADIO! I was appalled. But unfortunately too many people in today's world have one of the above attitudes towards marriage and relationships. And what both suggestions boil down to are PURE SELFISHNESS. Marriage is about commitment. And I'm sorry that that woman had every right to leave her husband right after he cheated, but she decided not to. She decided to stay with him. She decided to continue to commit. And then she brought children into the equation. Her husband has proved himself to be a great man, husband, and father in every way, and she now has no grounds, or right, to leave her husband. Even if their were no children involved I would have the same opinion. The fact that kids are now involved though makes it all the more obvious that she should honor her commitment not only to her husband, but to her children. Their happiness and well-being should be most important.She is being selfish, and rather than thinking about how she does not love him anymore, she should go out and serve him and count her blessings, and one day she WILL love him again. That is what love, real love, is all about. I was completely angered and saddened to think that both the therapists and Kim's suggestions are are all often the norm, and totally acceptable solutions in our society. Lady, whoever you are, I hope you ignored their awful, sickening, heartbreaking, home-wrecking advice and stayed with your husband, CHOOSING to love him, rather than going out to find that love elsewhere at your children's expense.
Ok wow, I wrote a novel there.
Obviously I'm not passionate or worked up about this at all.
Anyways, that night I decided to boycott Kim's show and never listen to it again.
I was infuriated and did not want to support her in any way.
However, the other night as I was flipping through stations,
I overheard her pose an interesting scenario/question regarding marriage.
Marriage and appropriate relationships with coworkers.
Another topic that I can easily deliver an earful on.
When I "wrote" this post in my head,
I included both stories in it.
But as I ranted and raved more than I planned,
I'm going to end here and leave you all hanging.
I'm going to end here and leave you all hanging.
Don't worry, I won't take another 7 months to blog
about how Kim surprised me.
And although she can never redeem herself in my eyes,
apparently she gets some things right regarding marriage.
