Love and Marriage

I am overwhelmed by so many thoughts and emotions right now, I hope I can pull some words from my heart and brain and arrange them in some sort of coherent sentence. Love and marriage are on my brain. Not for any specific reason (or boy--sadly I am incredibly disheartened and cynical when it comes the the male race of Provo Utah. And that is exactly the problem. I am so critical and judgmental and so ready to stereotype all the "lame Provo boys" or all the "lame boys" in general. It is so easy to go into dating nowadays expecting it to fail. Expecting it to not work out for whatever reason. We are all filled with excuses. "there's always someone better" there's too many fish in the sea" "he/she is divorced" "he's a player" "he/she has kids" "I'm scared" "he's scared" "bad timing" "I'm too busy" "it's too much work" "not enough fish in the sea" "everyone gets divorced, even in the church" "he/she has a sketchy past" "I'm hung up on an ex" "he/she is hung up on an ex" "I just want to have fun" "we don't have a connection" .....the list goes on and on right? We all have a hundred reasons why we don't date, why all we ever do is date, and why we never commit. We are all focused on the past. Or we are focused on the future. Which are both good. And necessary. And wonderful. But we don't look at it that way. We look at the past, we look at the present, and we look at the future, and we worry, and we doubt. And we see all the reasons why it couldn't and wouldn't work out.

Self fulfilling prophecy?

I'm a big believer in that the universe gives back whatever you put out. Our attitude, thoughts, and emotions heavily impact the world around us. One thing I've learned from sales, that applies to all aspects of life: is its all mental. And might I add spiritual. If you go into a sale with a bad attitude or not expecting to get it, guess what, you're not going to get it. But on the flip side it's amazing what a positive happy tenacious attitude will get you. Go into a sale thinking, "I can totally close this person!" and "I'm an awesome saleswoman" and you're going to get that sale! It's exhilarating. Well I've been thinking, shouldn't that same formula apply to all aspects of life. Of course it does! Duh! Go into a relationship with a hundred reasons why it should fail (and maybe they are all valid concerns) but guess what, that relationship is going to fail. Go into it head first, fearless (Taylor swift has it figured out) and you're going to have one heck of an amazing relationship. A self fulfilling prophecy.

To bring the spiritual aspect in that ties this all together in a neat little bow (I hope, I feel like I'm just rambling and stringing random thoughts together) our capacity to love others is intertwined with our capacity to live the Lord. Below is a quote from an amazing article I just read in LDS living about an LDS couple in which the husband experiences same sex attraction. His wife beautifully wrote, before they were married: "...I felt that you love me now more than many people ever love their partners or spouses. Your love for me existed long before we ever went on our first date, because it was a love you were trying to cultivate with Christ as your example, before you even felt that marriage to a woman would be possible in this life. It was who you were trying to be"

How beautiful is that?

Here is a woman with the faith, the understanding, and the courage to trust in a mans love for her. In the love of a man who experiences same sex attraction. And this was possible for her because she had faith. Faith and doubt cannot coexist. And the man, Ty Manfield, what an awesome example of coming unto the Lord and being perfected through his trials. I am sure he has had many moments of doubt and fear in his life. But he decided I time and time again to focus on his faith. And through that he developed a love for a woman much deeper and more pure than hormones and emotions. It was who he was trying to be.

His wife continues " I think so many people rely on their hormones and or their emotions to drive them that they get stuck feeling for their spouse whatever those things tell them to feel. And then if they try to feel otherwise, to love their spouse more than what hormones or emotions tell them to, they feel like they're doing their spouse a favor rather than recognizing that they hadn't understood how to truly love in the first place."

And the most poignant part of what she wrote: " I think that us coming onto each others lives, feeling drawn to each other and attracted to who the other person was and is, and then DECIDING (important key words bolded) that we want to unite our loves and CONTINUE to care for and love each other and to build our love together all WHILE STRIVING to become more like Christ, as a TEAM with Christ...I feel sad for people who don't get it and who have reduced marriage to a mere shadow of what it was intended to be and how beautiful it can be."

I do not wish to get into a debate about same sex attraction. I simply share this story about a beautiful couple who love each other deeply and have a wonderful loving relationship that is filled with struggles and hardships just as is any other relationship. But some might say they have a trial bigger than most. An elephant in the room. Think of all the reasons this couple had to fear, to doubt, to make excuses for all the reasons this relationship marriage could not and would not work. His wife Danielle wrote "I have no doubts or regrets about choosing to marry Ty. Early on, long before we were engaged, I felt a momentary flash of fear, but almost as quickly as it came, I felt a powerful, calm reassurance -: the thought, 'you can trust Ty. He is who he says he is. You know what you have felt.' the fear never returned."

I'm willing to bet that fear could have easily returned, if she had fed it. If she had decided to focus on her fears. But she didn't. She obviously made a choice to have faith and trust in her feelings and in her love. And that I guess is the point I am trying to express. That we get what we focus on. Whether it be bad or good. Her and Ty made the CHOICE to love each other and ACT on their feelings for each other by COMMITTING to each other despite their challenges. I am so humbled. I am the first to admit I have so much to learn from Danielle's amazing example. We all have pasts, but they do not define us. We learn from them, and grow from them, but we are not our pasts.

It's all about love baby. And self fulfilling prophecies. So let's all quit the games and let go of the fears, the judgments, the blame, and the reasons why not. Instead, let's focus on all the whys. All we need is love. Pure, Christlike love<3

1 Peter 5:10

But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.

Happy Sunday!

Can I just say that I have moved into the best ward and made the BEST friends ever. Yes, my friends are better than yours. And my ward is better than yours. So get over it. But seriously, I don't think I have ever been in such an amazing ward before. I've hardly been in the ward a month and I've already made so many wonderful friends and feel apart of the ward, and like I belong. It's because there are so many amazing caring and friendly people in my ward, and you can just feel the love and concern everyone has for one another. We truly have a ward family.
Today was fast and testimony meeting and I woke up with that "dang it, today I need to bear my testimony" feeling. You know the one that nags you all day long and you try to reason out of or ignore because getting up on the pulpit is so nerve wrecking. But then sacrament meeting starts and that feeling turns into a pounding of the heart that beats so fast and hard you cannot ignore it, and so you finally make that move to get up from your seat and walk to the front in between testimonies. (Making that first move to get up truly is the hardest step) Anyways somehow I made it up there and blubbered through my testimony. I was so anxious I don't remember half of what I said. But I'll share a little of my testimony here. I know we have a father in heaven who loves us and knows us by name. I know that his son, and our brother, Jesus Christ, loves our Heavenly Father and loves us, and because of that love his will was swallowed up in the will of our father, and he atoned for and sacrificed himself for our sins, so that we might be perfected and saved through him. I know Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ appeared to Joseph Smith and that he is a Prophet of God, and that he restored Christ's church in these latter days. I know this gospel is true. I know the Book of Mormon is true and that it is the word of God, and another testament of Jesus Christ. I know that as we prayerfully study it we can come to know Christ, and that as we abide by the counsel and principles taught in it we will find joy. I know that although in this life we will feel loneliness and sadness and at times even forsaken and despair, that Christ can succor us. Christ too felt forsaken and bore the full weight of the atonement on his own for a moment in the garden of gethsemane and on the cross. Heavenly Father completely withdrew his presence. Not because he didn't love Christ, but because he had to let him accomplish so humbling and painful a task on his own so that he could have all glory. Such is the case at times in our lives. Sometimes we feel as if our Heavenly Father is not there, that we are on our own. But it is during these times, if we remain faithful and keep God's commandments, and continue to pray and seek guidance and endure, that we learn and grow and receive more strength than we ever thought we were capable of. And Christ understands. :-) I know that this truly is the gospel of happiness and that we can inherit all that our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ have. We can be with our families and Heavenly Father and Christ for the eternities. What could bring more hope and joy than knowing that? This life is not it. :-)
On another note, the rest of my Sunday was just as beautiful and wonderful as church was. My roommates and I had a delicious picnic with our good friends Tyler, Stu, Trevor, and Logan. We cooked this time and in two weeks they are cooking for us, aren't they the best? We enjoyed each others company out in the crisp Utah air, eating casserole, chips, apples and watermelon, and drinking dr. Pepper, trying to pretend it was still summer as we enjoyed the sunshine. After our fun little picnic I went and celebrated my cousin in laws birthday and spent a fun time with family, and then went to ward prayer where I received and gave hugs and smiles, and felt so loved. Oh and ate delicious cookies and drank hot chocolate around a warm fire. I love my ward. I love my life. I love my friends. <3

Happy Halloween!

Ok I know Halloween is still a few weeks away but I think all of October should be dedicated to celebrating Halloween! Halloween is one of my favorite holidays... I love everything about it....dressing up and going all out, carving pumpkins, HAUNTED HOUSES that scare me silly, eating pumpkin seeds, trick or treating, and Halloween parties!! Last night some new cool dudes that I met in my ward put on a super fun Halloween dance party at classic skate...shout out to Brandon, Marcel, Skyler, and CJ, I love you guys! They are so much fun and becoming such good friends! Ashley and I went dressed up as Taylor Swift and Silk Spectra...it was so fun getting dressed up in all the glitter and glam and going out with all my wonderful friends and partying up, letting loose and dancing and singing like crazy! Things even got a little crazy in the cage, oh snap! Ash and I danced the night away looking super cute and sexy with our friends Noelia, Karen, Mylee, Kiffin, CJ, Marcel, Brandon, and Skyler. It was such a good, good night. Here's to Halloween and great friends!

Look Up

This post is short and sweet:

"It is better to look up."
-President Thomas S. Monson

I'm BAACCCCCKKKK....oh and I'm here to tell you everything that's wrong with our society and marriage today: SELFISHNESS

Hello Blogworld.

Miss me?

I don't even know what happened to me, 

but I hit a blogging slump.

At first a couple weeks went by.

Then a couple months.

Next thing I know it's been 7 months since that sad day I wrote my last blog.

Never again my friends. 

I plan to grace you with my presence from here on out.

And here's why:

Good things happen.

Bad things happen.

Funny things happen.

Cute boys happen.

Life happens.

And I write out a whole blog entry in my head,

about whatever happens.

But I never actually put it to computer and share it with you all

But I want to share it.

And I know you're all dying to hear what I have to say.

But I have to give it up to Kim Iverson....

you know...Your Time with Kim...Kim Iverson.

While I find her incredibly annoying,

and although she shares incredibly destructive belief and ideas 

over the radio, 

she has sparked my return to blogger.

A few months back she outraged me.

A few nights ago she impressed me.

But it reminded me how a few months ago she outraged me.

She illustrated everything that was wrong with society today

With marriage today.

With families today.

With so called "marriage therapists" today.

With people today.

I was listening to her show one late night.

I was intrigued because she announced she had

"one of California's top dating and marriage counselors"

on her show.

I forget the therapists name at this point.

Sorry, I have an incredibly horrible memory.

But that is not the point of this story.

And the therapists name is not significant.

What is significant is that she is even a therapist at all.

Let alone referred to as a top therapist.

Let me give you some details:

The topic for the show was how to know when to call it quits in a dating/marriage relationship...or how to know if you should be with someone. A woman called in with her story. She had been married for 6 or so years to her husband, and has two children with him. They have a wonderful marriage, her husband works full time at a great job, and it allows her to stay at home with her children, something that she cherishes and is so grateful for. It gets even better though. She is also very into photography, and so some nights when her husband gets home he will stay at home and watch the kids so that she can go shoot various events, such as weddings. He is a great husband, a great father, he provides for his family, she gets to be at home with her children. Sounds like a fairytale right? What's the catch? Well....let's rewind a few years. A year after they were married, before the couple had children, her husband cheated on her while out of town for business for several months. He confessed, she forgave him and they decided to stay together. Let me just put in my two cents here. At this point she has every right to end their marriage. He has had an affair with another woman, which in my eyes is unacceptable. But she chose to stay. Back to the story. He has never cheated on her since, or so he says, but she says she has no reason to be suspicious, as he is always at home with his family when not at work. Now, 5 years and two kids later, she wants to divorce her husband.Not because she doesn't trust him, not because he's cheating on her, not because they have a horrible abusive marriage. But because she hasn't loved him since he cheated on her, and doesn't know if she can ever love him again. I'm sorry honey, but the time to decided that was 5 years ago when he cheated on you, not now when there are children involved and you have a great marriage. You missed you chance to bail. I don't care if you're not in love, you made a commitment, and there are now children involved who need the stability of loving MARRIED parents. ParentS. As in both parents. Not one parent for two weeks and another every other weekend. A marriage is about commitment anyway, not about romance and "love". People can fall in and out of love multiple times within a marriage, but you stay together anyways, work through the bad times, because that is what true love is. And the happy, lovey dovey good times will come. Sometimes you may have to endure 5 bad years. But 20 wonderful years may follow. The point is that you made a commitment, and once children are involved, your "happiness" is no longer the priority. Your children's is. Anyways, I'll get off my soapbox. Obviously this woman asked the therapist what she should do. I waited for the "top" marriage therapist to give her an earful of what I just said above, but to my horror and shock, she basically told the woman that even though she has this great marriage that allows her to be a stay at home mom and raise her children and she has a great relationship with her husband and her husband is a terrific father, and that ending the relationship would be terrible because she would have to work and couldn't be at home with her kids and they would have to go to daycare, she said that she should end the marriage because she is not in love and DESERVES to find a man that she loves. Excuse me????!!!!! Deserves!?! DESERVES?!?! Excuse me, what about what her children DESERVE!?! They DESERVE to grow up in a home with TWO parents who love them. They DESERVE to have a mom who isn't so selfish that she would give up staying at home with them so that she could go out and find "love". They DESERVE an unbroken home. They DESERVE a happy childhood. With both parents. Because going through a divorce is hell for children and they should never have to endure that pain, that loss, and that heartache except in situations of abuse, drugs, or cheating.Who the heck does this "marriage therapist" think she is giving such selfish, immature, selfish, wrong, selfish, destructive, and did I mention, selfish, advice!?!? Then, thank goodness (or so I thought) Kim butted in and said everything I just said. That children need both parents, that a divorce should be avoided at all costs. That she may not be even be happy with another man considering all that she gave up. That it's so much better to be in a great relationship with, if nothing else, a good friend, so that her kids can grow up with their father in their home, and so that their mother could raise them. For a minute I loved Kim, and had some hope for marriages and families, and society. But then Kim said something as shocking and upsetting as the marriage counselors advice. She said BUT of course every woman deserves to be in love, and if you can't love your husband anymore, then you should go to him and tell him "honey, look I'm not in love with you anymore romantically, but we have a great marriage, a great life, two wonderful kids and so I want to stay together for them and we will be best friends, BUT (here's the kicker) I'm going to go out and DATE and find a boyfriend that I love and we will have an open relationship so that I can be happy. Like that won't complicate/upset/hurt/harm the children and family when mommy is out every weekend with the boyfriend? What, are husband, wife, boyfriend, and kids all going to have Sunday dinner together? What about when the boyfriend wants more commitment, what if he wants to marry her, what  if she wants to marry him. What happens to her kids then. That is just sick sick sick!!!! !?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?! Are you freaking kidding me?!? These two woman should not be allowed to give advice to anyone EVER on marriage, let alone over the RADIO! I was appalled. But unfortunately too many people in today's world have one of the above attitudes towards marriage and relationships. And what both suggestions boil down to are PURE SELFISHNESS. Marriage is about commitment. And I'm sorry that that woman had every right to leave her husband right after he cheated, but she decided not to. She decided to stay with him. She decided to continue to commit. And then she brought children into the equation. Her husband has proved himself to be  a great man, husband, and father in every way, and she now has no grounds, or right, to leave her husband. Even if their were no children involved I would have the same opinion. The fact that kids are now involved  though makes it all the more obvious that she should honor her commitment not only to her husband, but to her children. Their happiness and well-being should be most important.She is being selfish, and rather than thinking about how she does not love him anymore, she should go out and serve him and count her blessings, and one day she WILL love him again. That is what love, real love, is all about. I was completely angered and saddened to think that both the therapists and Kim's suggestions are are all often the norm, and totally acceptable solutions in our society. Lady, whoever you are, I hope you ignored their awful, sickening, heartbreaking, home-wrecking advice and stayed with your husband, CHOOSING to love him, rather than going out to find that love elsewhere at your children's expense.

Ok wow, I wrote a novel there. 

Obviously I'm not passionate or worked up about this at all.

Anyways, that night I decided to boycott Kim's show and never listen to it again.

I was infuriated and did not want to support her in any way.

However, the other night as I was flipping through stations, 

I overheard her pose an interesting scenario/question regarding marriage.

Marriage and appropriate relationships with coworkers.

Another topic that I can easily deliver an earful on.

When I "wrote" this post in my head,

I included both stories in it.

But as I ranted and raved more than I planned,
I'm going to end here and leave you all hanging.

Don't worry, I won't take another 7 months to blog 

about how Kim surprised me. 

And although she can never redeem herself in my eyes,

apparently she gets some things right regarding marriage.

Shabby Apple Giveaway!

Another lovely chance to win a Shabby Apple dress!

It is the Ooh La La Dress and it is gorgeous!
Giveaway hosted here by Le Blog de la Mome!

It's the dress on the left.

So chic, huh?

And I love the red!

I'm crossing my fingers this time,

I really hope I win.

But I'm going to share this giveaway with you all.

Last time I entered a Shabby Apple Giveaway

I was selfish.

I didn't blog about it,

or tell my friends about it.

Because I didn't want to decrease my chances of winning.

Well I entered the giveaway secretively,

and then the next day my dear friend Amy

shared a link with me on facebook for another

Shabby Apple Giveaway.

I felt horrible.

So of course I shared the link with her to

the giveaway I had found.

She commented back and wrote

"Consider me entered."

"P.S sorry for decreasing your chances of winning."

I feel like such a jerk at this point-

that is exactly what I had been thinking.

Well I checked back every hour after the giveaway ended,

and who do you think won??

Sure enough, it was Amy!

That is karma people.

I texted her to give her the happy news,

(Ok, so I was jealous, I really wanted to win)

so it was bittersweet for me.

But I love her to death so I really was happy for her.

Deep down.

Way deep down.

But consider my lesson learned.

I will now share any Shabby Apple dress giveaway I find.

And wait patiently for the day that I finally win!